Thirty Day Therapy Diary
by kutnerlove
Summary: After Kutner's death, House is required to write his feelings down in a journal. He takes matters into his own hands, of course. Adventure, secrets and lots of House related humor! Rated T for later Chapters!
1. Chapter 1

Thirty Day Therapy Diary

"House, you have to. Everyone on the team has to." Cuddy said, on the brink of yelling at exploding as House once again tried to get around something necessary. "The therapist told me that the healing process can't begin until you've all gotten your feelings out."

"Kutner's death is regrettable, but I do not need to let my feelings out. I think I already did that. No need to dwell on it anymore," House said, turning to leave.

"If you participate I'll give you thirty days off of clinic duty. One day off for every day you write something down."

He paused, and then turned around, knowing that the diary was a lesser pain in his ass than clinic duty. "Two months. I promise, I'll be deep."

She looked him over and then nodded. "Fine. I hope this helps you."

House stalked out of the office, a smirk plastered all over his face. "She gave in and let you off?" Foreman asked skeptically.

"Nope. I decided it would do me some good to let out my emotions," House said, shuffling past him. Foreman snorted in reply. "Hey, I'm a deep guy," House told his team over his shoulder as they followed him in the direction of the elevators. "Go run a full work up on the patient. He's probably more interesting than me anyway."

"Right. More interesting than you giving in to Cuddy," Foreman said, rolling his eyes.

"Didn't give in, but you're right. I'm fabulous," House said, closing the elevator.

House growled, annoyed that he was being forced to write a diary entry a day about his feelings. Wilson stood behind him, as per Cuddy's orders to make sure that he actually did write things down. He pondered for a moment before deciding to use the loop hole that presented itself. Cuddy had only said that he had to write something down everyday about his feelings…she hadn't specified what feelings. He began to type with fervor and Wilson leaned over his shoulder to read.

'Day One:

Today I was forced into starting a journal to describe my feelings after Kutner's death. I feel that he is gone…because he is. Otherwise I am extremely annoyed. Idiots want to make me confront my feelings and read over my shoulder to make sure that I have indeed put thoughts into word. I am smug as I will not have to work in the clinic, which, by the way, is completely useless. I am hungry because it's nearly lunchtime and Wilson has yet to totter off to the cafeteria so I can scam him to get my meal.'

"Very insightful," Wilson said sarcastically. "I suppose you did write something, though. That's more than I expected. Let's go get a sandwich."

"OK." House stood and followed his friend out of the office. He was pleased with himself and loved the diary requirement already. He could use it to get under Cuddy's skin and to get his way in the form of lunch!


	2. Chapter 2

Ch 2

"Alright, so the results were negative, now go tell the patient that she has less than a week to live…unless you want to concede that I was right," House instructed his team. "'Course the patient would probably prefer the treatment to death, but who knows?" The three younger doctors exited the office and he hobbled back into his private office to put something in his journal, much to his displeasure. He tapped his fingers on the desk for a few moments, then settled his fingertips on the keyboard.

'Day Two:

My team almost killed a patient looking for something that Kutner would have picked up on two days ago. I knew about it this morning but the Dean of Medicine feels the need to see proof before I crack open someone's head and poke around. Things would be so much easier if I could use Kutner as a tool to seduce Cuddy into letting me do procedures that would save patients' lives and my time.'

He considered for a moment putting down his desire to eat chicken wings, but had already closed the tab on his computer and didn't want to take the time, so he settled for what he had written. His new chore was so much easier than clinic, he realized. He had much more time for soaps when snotty kids and sexual deviants weren't breathing down his neck wanting attention.


	3. Chapter 3

CH 3

House was watching porn when Cuddy entered his office. "I hear that you've been writing in your journal," she said with a smile.

"Yup," he replied. "I'm gathering material to write today's entry now."

She raised one eyebrow, but didn't say anything. Pleased that he was putting something about what he felt about something into words. "Ok. How's the patient?"

"Great! She suffered a massive heart attack this morning. We're working on it," he added before she could say anything.

"I've gotta go talk to Wilson. I just figured I'd stop by," she told him, before turning away. He watched her walk out of his office and brought up the journal.

'Day Three:

I like porn. Porn makes me happy. Watching Cuddy's ass also makes me happy. It's like live action porn.'

With a satisfied smile he put the journal away and went back to watching the girl on girl action that was happening on his computer screen. He was interrupted shortly after getting back to business by Taub, however. Stupid patient with their stupid needs…she was experiencing auditory hallucinations. House ordered up some tests and sent the shorter man on his way.

"Great, between you and Cuddy I have to start the video all over again," he said at Taub's back as he left the office. House rewound the video and the Candy and Peaches love marathon graced his screen once more.


	4. Chapter 4

CH 4

It was Saturday and House didn't have to work. He considered calling Wilson for a while as he ate breakfast, but decided to wait until his best friend had gotten all of his beauty sleep before stirring him. House sat around watching television until noon, then picked up the phone and dialed Wilson's number.

"Hello?" the sleepy voice asked, yawning into the receiver.

"You sound like a little sleep deprived kitten," House said patronizingly. "Had you planned on doing anything at all today?"

"It's only noon," Wilson protested, recognizing the biting tone of Greg House even in his half awake state.

"Right. Half the day is gone."

Wilson sighed. "I'll get some Chinese on my way over to your place. Give me a while to get in the shower and wake up."

House rolled his eyes even though the other man couldn't see the action. "Fine. I'll see you sometime before dark," he said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Later, House." There was a soft click and House knew that Wilson had hung up the phone. He debated for fifteen minutes, and then got up and into the shower. He hated being clean on weekends when he knew that no one except Wilson would see him, but Wilson often protested if he smelled particularly bad.

There was a knock on the door as House stepped out of the shower and he was perplexed. There was no way Wilson would show up this soon. With a towel wrapped around his waist, House limped to the door, intent on flashing any door to door salesmen or Jehovah's Witnesses. When he opened the door, however, all thoughts of flashing went out the window.

"What do you want?" he asked the large, black shadow of Dr. Foreman. "It's a Saturday and as you can see I'm very busy."

"I came by to see if you were free tonight," Foreman said, taking in House's scanty attire.

"Like a date? I don't go both ways like your girlfriend," House pointed out.

"Like a dinner with Remy and her step-sister...who's coming in tonight."

"Like, I have a date with Wilson, some Chinese and a beer," House replied, adopting a teenage girl voice. "Sorry."

"Fine. I just thought I'd ask. Do you know any other single males who are free tonight?" Foreman asked.

"Just know Wilson…and he's taken."

"Thanks for nothing, Foreman said, turning to leave.

"You can call and ask Cuddy. She could hook you up with a nurse," House suggested.

Foreman turned around, a bit shocked that House had suggested something that might help him. "Thanks."

"See you Monday Mr. Matchmaker," House said annoyingly. Foreman chose to ignore that comment as he hadn't been totally shunned by his boss.

When Wilson arrived House was in an exceptionally good mood. "I convinced Foreman to call Cuddy and ask her for the phone number of a male nurse. He doesn't realize that she's embarrassed to have made advances toward one of the nurses and now doesn't like to talk about them…"

"Congratulations. She's going to kill you, you know," Wilson said, dumping food and beer onto House's table.

"You've got to admit that it was a good idea."

"Possibly even great, but that won't change anything. She will still want to kick you in the thigh and laugh as you fall to the floor in agony after she finds out it was your idea." Wilson flopped down onto House's couch and House sighed. Familiarity filled him and he settled into relax mode.

After Wilson left that evening, House remembered the diary requirement and reluctantly brought it up on his computer.

'Day Four:

Relaxing with Wilson is one of my favorite pastimes. I should do it more often…hint hint—Cuddy! I know you'll probably read this so I've decided to put some juicy tidbits in for you…this should be fun!'

With that House piled into bed, planning on doing the same thing all over again.


	5. Chapter 5

CH 5

It was late morning when House awakened. He didn't particularly want to get out of bed, but knew that if he didn't do so soon his leg would start to throb. He reluctantly threw back the covers and swung his legs over the edge of his bed, sitting up. With a sigh he grabbed his cane and hoisted himself up.

He took a leak and then stalked to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. His bottle of Vicodin sat teasingly beside his coffee cup and he smirked. "I've been thinking about you," he told it as though it could hear him. He popped off the lid and threw back a pill before pocketing the bottle and pouring himself a cup.

He watched television for half of the day, not caring to do anything else. Wilson stopped by with pizza and more beer and the two friends watched a monster truck rally on pay-per-view. House was quite content to spend his weekends with Wilson, beer and food. When the oncologist left at nearly midnight House pulled up his computer. He watched porn for a while then wrote his journal entry for the day.

'Day Five:

Wilson and I boozed then I watched porn…sounds like a good day to me. It helps with the healing process.'

House watched porn for a while longer before falling asleep on the couch.


	6. Chapter 6

CH 6

There were several possibilities for cases on House's desk when he entered his office. Cuddy was standing over his desk with a look of disapproval as well, which was not quite as amusing. "Are you writing in your diary?" she asked, glancing at the stack of files that he had to choose from.

"Yes, Mommy. Why are you here?"

"I brought you another case file. You should really think about having your team look over these until you get here, it might help them diagnose more patients," she said, a note of annoyance in her voice.

"They should have their minds on our patients, not the ones that are rejected and given to other doctors," House replied brushing past her. "And are you writing in a grief journal as well?"

"No. I'm fine. I hired the therapist for you and your team." She moved to allow him to sit down at his desk, but looked at him intently. "Are you going to ask about the file I brought?"

"Chances are, I already know what the patient has, just like the rest of these files."

"13 year old girl presents with lesions and bloody vomit."

"I'm not impressed," he started, but she cut him off.

"She's a Siamese twin. Her sister isn't sick," Cuddy told him.

"Yet," House replied, perking up. He opened the file and stood. Cuddy followed him into the outer office and waited while he ordered his team to do a full workup and get a detailed medical history on both girls.

"You're welcome," Cuddy said with a smile.

"Oh," House said, thumping his forehead. "I forgot to thank you for flashing most of your breasts at me today. A centimeter lower and I would have gotten nipple." House walked past her and back to his computer. Rolling her eyes, Cuddy left him alone.

'Day Six:

It's displeasing when your boss barges in on you at work, wanting you to do more work. She would be more useful doing administrative things…like buying a full top. Her tits looked great today, though. Also, how am I supposed to survive without a secretary to take care of all these files…I would suggest Cameron, but I want someone with hooters. Cuddy, care to offer?'


	7. Chapter 7

CH 7

House waited impatiently for the results of the lumbar puncture he had ordered on his patient. Thirteen came in out of breath to inform him that the results were negative. Of course they were negative…nothing was ever easy in the world of diagnostics…and that was the way he liked it. He ordered additional testing and went back to bouncing his ball against the wall.

Cuddy walked by in the direction of Wilson's office and House watched the sway of her hips as she sauntered by. He smiled to himself, thinking about what he would do to her if he ever got the chance again. The good thing about her adopting, he realized, was that she could keep her nice figure. He sat daydreaming for a while and was only brought out of his reverie half an hour later when he barged into his office.

"Your patient just went into cardiac arrest," she informed him, tossing him the pager that he had left in Wilson's office. He stood and limped out in the direction of the patient room, but caught himself and turned around. Cuddy's hair was disheveled and she was heading back in the direction of Wilson's office. That was curious.

He made his way to the patient's room wondering if there was something going on between Cuddy and Wilson. Determined to get the patient's crisis out of the way before figuring out his other puzzle, however, he shouted some orders at his team. As soon as the patient was stable again, he limped out of the room and in the direction of Wilson' office, sure that if something was going on he could catch the two guilty parties in the act.

Without bothering to knock on the door, House entered the office of the head oncologist and looked around. Cuddy was MIA and Wilson looked up innocently from the paperwork on his desk. "Where's Cuddy?" House asked.

"She left a few minutes ago."

"No doubt taking her fun bags with her," House muttered. "What did she want?" he asked, this question loud enough for Wilson to hear.

"Paperwork stuff. She wanted to clarify something. Why are you so interested?" Wilson quirked one eyebrow and House instantly knew that his best friend was trying to hide something.

"Nothing. Just wanted to thank her for returning my pager," the diagnostician said, turning to leave.

"You want to go to lunch?" Wilson asked.

"Sure." House got no further information about Cuddy's visit out of Wilson. The younger man kept avoiding suggestive statements made by House and bringing up things to distract House from asking blatant questions. There was definitely something going on, House determined.

When House returned to his office he pulled up his journal and began typing out his thoughts, marginally pleased that the ridiculous thing could serve some purpose.

'Day Seven:

Cuddy and Wilson are acting strangely. Either they've conspired to mess with my head or they're sleeping together. I'll find out the truth eventually. Either way, they'll pay for keeping things from me. They should know better…what I want to know is why they would make such a scene at work…unless they want me to work it out? I'll discover their dirty little secret in due time…'


	8. Chapter 8

CH 8

Wilson's strange behavior when House asked him out to dinner confirmed that something was going on behind House's back. "I can't," the oncologist had said. "I have other plans."

"What other plans?" House demanded, leaning heavily on his cane as he stood over Wilson's desk.

"A date."

"A date?" House asked suspiciously.

"Yes, sometimes when two people are interested in each other, they go out to dinner and talk. It's a fairly common practice in most countries."

House rolled his eyes. "So who's the hottie? Blonde nurse on the second floor with the huge breasts?"

"No, she's…"

"Cuddy?" House asked, cutting his friend off. Wilson was speechless.

"Why would you guess Cuddy?" he returned after a moment, clearly shocked that House would suggest such a thing. House couldn't tell whether the shock was from his deductive abilities or from Wilson's displeasure about being wrongfully paired with the hospital administrator. House tried his best innocent look.

"No reason. She looks happy and you haven't pressured me to ask her out or tell her how I feel in a while. Is it Cuddy?"

"Maybe," Wilson answered. "Or it might be the brunette lab tech that I had coffee with this morning."

"Player…at least you're keeping your options open, though." House had returned to his office after that. Wilson had looked astounded, staring after his best friend from behind his desk.

House eased himself down into his chair, picked up his ball and started tossing it in the air. Whether or not Cuddy and Wilson were sleeping together, House was going to find some way to embarrass them into confessing whatever was going on. It was a while before anyone came into his office and he was a bit startled to find the tiny Jew standing before him. He got an update from Taub on the patient, checked in on Wilson once again and settled down to write his journal entry for the day.

'Day Eight:

Wilson is avoiding me. Which means he wants to keep something from me. Which prompts the question, 'is Cuddy hiding something from me?' I wonder if Cuddy would produce better results than Wilson had if I went up to her and asked her if Wilson liked to be on top or liked her to do all the work. She would definitely be offended whether she knew Wilson's sexual preferences or not. I think I shall ask tomorrow morning.'

With his decision made, House sat back, waiting for his chance to put his plans in motion. The epiphany came to him after he had settled back to into his chair. He got up quickly and limped off hurriedly in the direction of the patient room. His team looked up as he entered. "Are either of the two halves of this whole freak sexually active?" he asked without hesitation.

"Both say no," Thirteen told him, checking the chart. He looked disappointedly at the Siamese twins before him.

"No need to be modest. One of you has got to be getting some. Besides, what guy wouldn't want an automatic threesome?"

"It wasn't a threesome," the girl on the right side of the singular unit said. "We're joined at the hip, not the vagina." Her face was deep red.

"Doesn't matter. If one of you does something, the other automatically has to. You're stuck together."

"I had sex, my sister didn't," the left half said.

"I know." House sighed. "Why can't people just tell us the truth? If whatever malformed cretin that got with the twins was insensitive, the right half would still be embarrassed even if she didn't know his sexual preferences."

"What?" Taub asked, thoroughly confused.

"He drugs Sarah, the girl on the right, but she has three kidneys to filter the stuff out of her system. Susan, the girl on the left, only has one kidney that doesn't function fully and the stuff gets washed into her system, causes her to get sick," Thirteen explained.

"Right. See if the dynamic duo had split up like the good doctors wanted them to and Righty hadn't been so greedy as to keep the good kidneys for herself she could have been kept clean and her slutty sister wouldn't have had to be poisoned to get her rocks off."

"We ran a tox screen when they came in; it came back negative for everything."

"It came back negative for everything we test for," House pointed out. "Means he gave her something we didn't test for. Get her on dialysis and slap the parents for not wanting to let the kids have separate lives." He left the room, satisfied with the outcome of his case and returned to his office to plot his revenge on his lying boss and best friend.


	9. Chapter 9

Ch 9

"So does Wilson like it rough? Does he top or do you do the work?" House asked loudly as he approached Cuddy in the clinic.

"HOUSE!" she yelled. "In my office. Now."

"Uh-oh," he said to the nurse on call. "I think I'm in trouble. God I hope she spanks me!"

"HOUSE!" Cuddy yelled from outside. He turned around and winked at the nurse before following.

"Coming!" he yelled in reply. She didn't speak to him until they were both in her office.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, her face the color of tomato soup.

"I just wanted to inquire about your affair with Wilson. I won't give me the gory details yet so I figured I'd skip a few steps and ask you." House sat down in a chair in front of her desk. "So dish…"

"You're insane!" she replied, moving around her desk to take her seat. "I'm insane to have hired you!"

"So you do top," House said, mock pondering the implications of Cuddy's dominance. "I like a girl to tie me up."

"I am not sleeping with Wilson," she replied.

"Oh no? Why the secrecy? You don't know how to tell your parents yet? They were expecting a lawyer, right?"

"You idiot, listen to me. There is nothing going on between me and Wilson."

"Right. That's why you're so ruffled around the feathers about me asking."

"I'm 'ruffled,' as you so callously put it, because you just told the clinic that I'm sleeping around on the job…what is your problem, House?"

"I don't like being lied to," the diagnostician responded, getting up. Without another word he departed, leaving her calling his name.

He ignored his team when he returned to his office, hell bent on deciphering the clues that Wilson and Cuddy had left him with. He shooed Foreman away and locked his door before burying himself in his journal.

'Day Nine:

The dark one is plotting against me. Literally…Foreman wants to keep me busy with cases instead of letting me work out what's going on between Wilson and Cuddy. She denied everything which is the expected response. It means that she's actually hiding something from me. She would have made some sarcastic comment if I was wrong. I'll have to talk to Wilson again to try and get information out of him before I call that damned private investigator again. I hate to involve him as he's such a nuisance, but he does occasionally help. If Kutner was here I'd be able to use him as a spy for me. Damn.'


	10. Chapter 10

Ch 10

He had been busy the previous evening with doctor duties and patients and all, but the need to talk to Wilson had yet to leave. House stopped by his best friend's office before even bothering to enter his own. Wilson looked up as though expecting him. "I heard that you confronted Cuddy yesterday," the oncologist said with a smirk.

"I did. I assume you already know that I know that you're doing Cuddy," House said, dropping into a chair.

"I'm not 'doing' Cuddy. I told you, there's a lab tech on 2 who…"

House cut him off, not caring about any excuse or explanation he was about to be offered. "Don't care. Why are you denying this so fervently if you don't have anything going on with her?"

"Because I really don't have anything going on with her."

"Bullshit. You think she's hot."

"You think she's hot."

"That's not the point. The point is that you're either doing Cuddy or you want to do Cuddy and I want in on the info."

"You want me to sleep with Cuddy to get you information about her?" Wilson asked, a bit confused. "That's probably illegal, House. It would also be much easier to spy on her if you were doing her."

"Right. That's the enabler I know. Slipped right back into Wilson mode after I pointed out that you're dropping your guard about sleeping with her by denying that you're sleeping with her."

"I have no idea how you work anything out," Wilson told his friend. "Your reasoning capabilities must be alien."

"Ok. Avoid the comment, I'll break you eventually," House replied standing.

"I'm not avoiding the comment. I addressed the comment. I'm telling you there's nothing to tell you about me and Cuddy."

"See you at lunch, Wilson," House said. He left Wilson's office and headed for his own, avoiding looks from Foreman that told him that he had a possible case. Foreman followed him into his office with a case file, however.

"You should look at this," the younger man said.

"I should, but I probably won't," House responded.

"Fifty year old man presenting with recent onset seizures."

"It's either alcohol or age," House said dismissively. "Either way, I don't care. Not interesting. Now leave me alone so I can do my journal. Cuddy will be hell to deal with if I miss a day." Foreman left the office reluctantly and went to check out the patient himself, taking Thirteen and Taub with him and House set to writing.

'Day Ten:

He broke a bit. I had to point out that he was slipping to get him to do it, but he immediately fell back into his evasive ways instead of denying his relationship outright. I knew that they were sleeping together. He must be saved before he gets dragged in too deep. Administrators are pure evil.'


	11. Chapter 11

Ch 11

With no leads on what was going on between Cuddy and Wilson, House reluctantly focused his energies on his patients and on avoiding clinic hours. He poked a little fun at Taub and stared at Thirteen's ass as they worked, hoping to annoy them into doing something interesting…or getting to continue to stare at Thirteen's ass. Finally after losing interest in his team he went back to his office to watch porn and write in to get his journal entry out of the way.

'Day Eleven:

Nothing is going on today. I want something exciting to happen. The patient is responding to treatment, Cuddy and Wilson are rock solid in their excuses for not sleeping together, and the team is getting boring. Occasionally, I suppose I do miss Kutner. He would have at least entertained me by blowing something up, setting it on fire, or hitting on some nurse. The interesting one had to go and kill himself! Why couldn't it have been the little whiny one?'


	12. Chapter 12

Ch 12

It was a Sunday and House didn't even bother going in to work. He had given up on the patient suddenly bleeding out of the eyes or giving birth to puppies or anything remotely interesting. He had wasted his Saturday at the evil place he liked to call work, somehow still seeking information about his best friend and his boss, but they had remained fortresses.

House lounged in front of the television until almost 7 p.m. and Wilson came by with take out. House decided to give his friend a break from inquisition for a while and simply let the evening play out. He did notice, however, that Wilson smelled lightly of women's perfume. With a smirk he watched Wilson for other signs of being with Cuddy. By the night's end, he felt one step closer to breaking their secret wide open.

'Day Twelve:

Wilson stank of perfume tonight. I'll have to sniff Cuddy for research purposes of course. If she wears the same scent they are either together or the smell was planted on him. Either way, it will be interesting to find out. I can't wait to put my face in Cuddy's cleavage and nose around…she will be displeased and offended all at once!'


	13. Chapter 13

Ch 13

As House had predicted, Cuddy was none too thrilled to be smelled by the man who accused her of sleeping with employees. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing," House said with glee. "Actually I'd offer to help you with your dirty deeds myself if it wouldn't be cutting into my best friend's cake."

"I'm nobody's cake, House!" Cuddy practically yelled, flushing. "Stop sniffing around for a lay and do your job. If you aren't busy the clinic is open from 9 to 5 every day."

"No thank you. I've taken a case already." He retreated to his office before she could threaten him with the likes of clinic duty again. "Do we have any prospects for a case?" he asked Foreman upon entering the outer office.

"There are several patients waiting to be seen by doctors," the black man began, but House cut him off.

"Not interested. If you had a case you would have led off with that case." He was stopped at the door to his private office by Thirteen's entrance, however.

"Four year old girl with uncontrollable nose bleeds and tear ducts," she said, tossing files to both of her colleagues and moving toward House with a folder.

"Have the parents taken her to any other doctors? Had the nose soderized?"

"Both. Nothing turned up."

"Run some tests on her blood before it all runs out and get a patient history. A full panel," House instructed before going into his office. He had more important things to do than wait for his team to do the preliminaries.

After settling in, he made his way down the hall to Wilson's office. "Do you have a patient?" Wilson asked upon House's entry.

"The team is taking care of it. Are you busy?"

"Well there are some x-rays that I need to look over, some patients I have to see, and some death notices to hand out, so yes…I'd say I'm busy."

"Well when you're done with this stuff come see me. Ode d' Cuddy is hanging all over you and you have some 'splaining to do…" Before Wilson could protest, House was gone. He never showed up in House's office that evening, bogged down with patient files and visits, and House was a little disappointed.

'Day Thirteen:

He has better things to do, apparently, than confront the fact that he is putting his unmentionables into the home of the plague. Whether or not he wants to admit it, Wilson likes these little games. He likes it when I obsess over something about his life…makes him feel important. If he wasn't so damned interesting I'd set him straight on just how unimportant he really is. Sure I like him, but there are a thousand flaws that he needs to fix in order to be the superman he thinks he is.'


	14. Chapter 14

CH 14

Wilson once again managed to avoid House's questions about his sex life with Cuddy. House was not at all pleased. He sulked a bit in his office, instructing his team on how to treat their patient and surfing the net and plotting a bit. Grilling Cuddy on her knowledge of Wilson's body was also out of the question as she had gone to a meeting with some of the hospital's benefactors and would be out of the hospital all day. House sighed, resigned to a day of wasted time…at least regarding his inquiries about his colleagues at the hospital.

'Day Fourteen:

Two weeks of writing and trying to catch Wilson and Cuddy in the sack and as of yet there is no evidence. Dammit, I need to kick it up a notch. I will find out what's going on with them.'


	15. Chapter 15

Ch 15

Cuddy had taken the day off of work, as had Wilson and House obviously found this highly suspicious. He left his team to tend to their patient, who had almost fully recovered, and drove to Wilson's apartment first. Wilson didn't come to the door when House knocked and so House pulled out the key that his friend had given him in case of emergencies. The apartment looked much the same as it had when Amber had lived there with Wilson, which House found slightly creepy. The two lovers that House was looking for were MIA, however.

"Well of course he wouldn't defile the memory of his dead girlfriend with another woman, especially not Satan's sister," House muttered to himself as he snooped around a bit. There was nothing that explicitly proved that Wilson and Cuddy were sleeping together and nothing remotely interesting, so House left, locking the door behind him. He got into his car and drove in the direction of Cuddy's place of residence.

Her car was in her driveway, House noticed as he pulled up. He mentally kicked himself for not checking the parking garage to see whether or not Wilson's car was inside. He carefully peeked into the living room through the windows, hoping to find them tangled in a love knot in the middle of the floor. There was no such luck, however. He pulled Cuddy's spare key out of the potted plant by the door and let himself in.

The entire house was quiet, much to House's disappointment. He placed his ear to Cuddy's bedroom door for a moment and after not hearing anything opened it a crack. She was nowhere to be found. He pondered the significance of the two of them both taking sick days and not being in their own homes for a few moments. With a sigh, he started going through Cuddy's computer, looking for information. Two hours and a sandwich later he found a reservation confirmation for the weekend at a four star hotel in New York and left Cuddy's place satisfied.

He turned on his computer immediately after returning to the hospital to chart his findings in his therapy journal.

'Day Fifteen:

I found the love nest and this weekend I'll be able to plan a sneak attack and catch them in the act. Victory will be so sweet! Especially since I'll be winning by finding them in the throes of passion in a different state. They are going to be so embarrassed…I can't wait!'


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

House was growing impatient, waiting for Saturday when he would burst into the hotel room that Cuddy was sharing with Wilson and laugh at them. He was so looking forward to seeing the shock and embarrassment on their faces. He wanted to punish them for lying to him, for keeping things from him. Revenge would be so sweet for him when he found out the truth, he told himself.

His team was the target for the rest of the week, however, since he wanted Wilson and Cuddy to think that he was giving up on finding them out. He kept his eyes peeled for any overt actions that would incriminate them, but kept his distance as much as possible. The team suffered greatly because of this. He was assigned a new patient and had given treatment for bronchiospasms and then sat in the outer offices badgering the three people that would never be able to escape him without losing their jobs.

House tossed a ball against the leg of Taub's chair, his feet propped up on the table and the team eyeing him warily. "So are you three writing in your therapy journals?" he asked, still bouncing the ball. "Cuddy is monitoring mine. I'll be you three are trustworthy enough to do your dictations without having her stand over your shoulder like a mother dying to lactate," he said annoyed.

"Yes, we are doing therapy journals and no, Cuddy isn't watching over our every moves," Foreman told him.

"So what excuse did she give you for the need for writing in these ridiculous things?" he asked. "Told me the whole team had to do it. Of course I bargained. I don't have to do my regular clinic hours for two whole months. That's two days for every entry that I put in my book. At least Kutner's death now has a point."

"Are you suggesting that Kutner's death had no point before you started profiting from it?" Thirteen asked her boss.

"Yes, that's what I'm saying. The idiot may have been my successor and then he had to go and off himself. What reason did he have for ending his life?"

"We've been trying to come up with a reason as well," Taub said, "And yes, Kutner was an idiot for killing himself, but…"

"No 'but.' He was an idiot," House stated.

"BUT, we are putting our thoughts about the matter down into our therapy journals," Foreman put in. "If you'll excuse me, I have clinic hours that I have to complete. Some of us aren't as lucky as to be able to bargain and get out of parts of our jobs." With an exasperated look at House, the neurologist got up from the table and walked out of the office.

"Are the rest of you going to do the same?" House asked. "Or do I have to tell you to scatter?" Taub and Thirteen left the office as well after giving each other a look that House paid no attention to. The diagnostician went back to his office and brought up his journal.

'Day Sixteen:

The team seems to be handling Kutner's death fairly well. We had a lovely, insightful discussion about the meaning of it all. They all miss him of course…they just can't seem to get over the fact that people die. They'll have to do that sooner or later, because they're all dying…some more quickly than others. And I thought Thirteen had gotten over the fact…apparently she's just as concerned with living forever than the rest…perhaps a little more, considering the fact that she has significantly less time than the others.'

House closed the journal, propped his feet up on his own desk and tossed his ball into the air. He spent the next two hours trying to figure out what the whole shebang meant. That is until his patient crashed and he had to join his team for a differential.


	17. Chapter 17

Ch 17

It was Thursday and House was dying for it to be Saturday already. He had booked a room right next to the one where Cuddy had a reservation in the hotel in New York and would be checking in early on Saturday in hopes of beating them there and waiting for them to get down and dirty so he could burst in and surprise them. He had even thought to get a camera for the occasion so that he could capture the moment forever…and bring it up whenever he thought that they were getting too caught up in his flaws. The two of them had enough flaws to focus on themselves and he was about to prove it.

"So what are you doing this weekend?" House asked Foreman innocently as they sat around discussing the pinkish color of their patients urine.

"You want to know my super fun plans when a patient is dying?" the other doctor asked, incredulously.

"She's fine. It's premenstrual. All of her symptoms fit with someone who's getting ready to start bleeding out of her vagina…she's probably low in vitamins which is causing the body's reaction to nature on the brink of exploding."

"How do you know that she's about to start having her period?" Taub asked. "She's only seven years old. Some childhood illnesses could cause the same symptoms with more serious results if we sit around talking about puberty and don't look into what else it could be."

"Fine. You go look up all the possible causes of her combination of symptoms and come back here when you're ready to admit that I'm right. Thirteen, go give her some meds that will help her breathe and a prescription for pain meds…with this kind of reaction before she even starts having visits from 'Aunt Flo' she'll probably need more than Midol."

His team scattered and he turned back to Foreman, who was looking him over curiously. "Do you really want to know what I'm doing this weekend?"

House let out a gigantic sigh. "I don't care what you're doing this, or any, weekend. It was just to gauge your reaction. Now that I know what your reaction is I promise I'll never ask again." When Foreman didn't immediately leave House held up two fingers. "Scout's honor." Foreman rolled his eyes and left after that.

House finished his slurpee, surfed the internet for interesting facts and hot porn, then decided to go ahead and write his entry for the day.

'Day Seventeen:

Foreman is a complete idiot. He ought to know that I don't care about what he's doing with 'the fam' and his 'gf' and really needs to learn to pick up on my sarcasm more effectively. Cuddy looked like she was searching out the nookie today. Her skin tight skirt should work quite nicely on Wilson…it's just too bad that I have to wait to prove their love connection. It really, really needs to be Saturday already!'


	18. Chapter 18

Ch 18

Work on Friday dragged on for what seemed like a full 24 hours. His team was unhappy because his diagnosis had been proven right and they were once patient free. House suggested that they all go do extra clinic hours to get on Cuddy's good side. He didn't mention that his reasoning was that he was a day away from throwing a pie into the Dean's face and laughing out loud. After a few hours of watching reruns on television he gave in and went to see Wilson.

"I expected you a few days ago. What, you finally relented in your quest to prove that I'm having sex with a hospital administrator…who just happens to be the woman you're pining for?" Wilson asked as House flopped down onto the couch in the Head of Oncology's office.

"I was busy, sorry I couldn't listen to you deny your hot sex with Cuddy," House replied. "And yes, that means I still think you're having sex with her."

"I gathered that," Wilson muttered, signing the forms in front of him.

"So how've you been? Long time, no talk."

"I'm great. The sex is bangin'!" Wilson told his best friend sarcastically.

"I know. Sadly she wouldn't be able to handle me again or I'd be hittin' that."

"Right. Well whatever gets you to sleep at night," Wilson said.

"You wanna go get some lunch?" House asked.

"Yeah." Wilson stood. "I didn't have lunch the past few days without you…thought it would be like blasphemy."

"Well it would have."

"I was being sarcastic again, House. Cameron and I had lunch yesterday." House followed him out of the office and pressed the elevator call button. "What have you been doing the past few days?"

"Well I broke into your apartment, and Cuddy's, had to listen to Foreman's boring weekend plans, and vowed to be more sarcastic."

"I can see the improvement," Wilson said, taking it all as sarcasm, exactly the way House had intended. "I would have believed you had you not thrown Foreman in the mix…everybody knows your dislike of weekend plans."

"Maybe I should take lessons from you," House suggested. They ate a chicken salad sandwich and fries and ice cream and chatted a while, avoiding actual work. When House returned to his office the team was nowhere to be seen. House didn't care whether they were doing clinic hours or if they'd gone home. He was just glad that he didn't have to put up with their questions about his anxiousness.

'Day Eighteen:

This is torture. Three doctors who can't find a medical mystery and two other doctors who can't stop sneaking off and screwing in the closet like teenagers. Tomorrow is gonna be sweet…'


	19. Chapter 19

CH 19

House didn't sleep much at all Friday night as he was anticipating Saturday. He tossed and turned and finally clambered out of bed to sit in front of his television with a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll until 8 a.m. The time had seemed to crawl by and he was more than ready to leave at 8.

Anxious and more excited than he had been in a while he piled into his car and started driving. The radio kept him company and as he hummed along with the classic rock he thought about what words to use when he gloated over his correctness in front of his best friend and Cuddy, who would of course by naked, ideally and very shocked that he had shown up in their hotel room on their private rendezvous.

Four hours after he started his trip he was pulling into the hotel parking lot. Beaming, he gave his keys to the valet, let the bell boy take his one bag and walked inside of the house of shame that was formerly known as the Ritz-Carlton. The concierge was more than happy to give him the key and send the bell boy up to the room with him. The bag was deposited in the room and House tipped him before flopping down onto the comfortable hotel bed, his arms behind his head.

The secret lovers were certainly paying enough to keep things secret, he noted. He had yet to ponder out why they would go to so much trouble to keep things away from him. Away from the Board of Trustees was one thing, but House couldn't do anything to ruin either of their careers. Sure he could tell the Board, but that would do him no good. Cuddy and Wilson would be punished, perhaps even fired or transferred and then everything that he could do freely would be questioned by the new Dean of Medicine and his best friend would be pissed at him and more importantly: his best friend wouldn't be around to waste time with.

Brushing it off as just some unnecessary precaution taken by the pair he settled in to wait for them to arrive. Cuddy's notes had put the arrival time at around 2 p.m. so House flipped on the television to catch an episode of 'Rock of Love' that he had missed.

House perked up as he heard the room next door start to stir. There was a soft thud as the door opened and closed and then muffled voices, a male and a female. He smiled. His prey had arrived. With his eyes on the prize of a picture to prove their obvious attachment he sat impatiently for them to start taking off clothes. Wilson generally liked to take it slow, House guessed, but as he and Cuddy had booked and checked into a hotel room four hours away from where they lived, House was betting on their having a weekend of rough, hot sex that would leave nothing to the imagination: Exactly what he wanted to capture on film.

When subtle sounds of people climbing onto the bed announced the beginning of their escapades, House grabbed his camera and the entry card he had swiped from the bell boy when he wasn't looking and went out into the hall. He walked the few feet down the hall to the entrance of their door, and then paused, his hand on the door, to take a deep breath and ready the camera. With a loud outward breath to steady his nerves he swiped the card and threw open the door.

A man's strong bottom was moving between two long, smooth, definitely female legs. It paused mid thrust and a head came up. A blonde head. House was confused, but snapped the picture anyway, not pausing to take in all of the information presented to him. He thought it might be a mix up, the wrong room until a dark head popped up as well. He took another photo and then looked at the two people in front of him.

It was Cuddy alright. But Wilson was nowhere to be seen. Instead Chase had been pounding into her with a fervor House had expected to come from some kind of porn star. The tension was visible as House swallowed, taking in the information. And then Cuddy opened her mouth. "What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded, blushing furiously.

"Where's Wilson?" House asked, still amazed that his friend was nowhere in sight, but the surgeon was clearly there.

"I don't know!" she practically yelled. "Get out!"

"Chase? Really?" House asked, scrunching up his face in thought. He hadn't even considered that Cuddy might be after the blonde instead of the stud of Oncology.

"HOUSE!" Chase roared, seeming to find his voice.

"Finish up here. We have to talk," House said, still working things out in his head. He walked out of the room and went back to his own. In the five minutes it took for Chase to spill his load and for both the Dean of Medicine and the Aussie to get dressed and walk over to House's room, the diagnostician was thoroughly amused. This pairing was so much more unexpected and interesting. He grinned hugely at them as they he let them into the room.

"So, you two are…together?" House asked, sitting down on the bed and patting the space beside him, indicating that they should join him.

"Yes. Sort of," Cuddy answered. Both of the pair had chosen to sit in the chairs instead of with House on the bed.

"We started seeing each other a few months ago. This was supposed to be our big weekend together," Chase put in.

"Aww…I hope I didn't ruin your fun." House smirked. "Does Cameron know?" he asked. "Oh. Of course not. That's why you're in New York. You wanted to avoid her…"

"She doesn't know, but we're not avoiding her," Chase told him. "I just haven't gotten around to breaking up with her yet."

"We wanted to get out of Princeton," Cuddy said. "Anyone could have found us out there. We need more time to get used to things before we go public. I can't believe you came here though. How did you even know?"

"Right," House said ignoring her question altogether. "You're just two love struck teenagers who want some place to screw like crazy."

"It's not like that," Chase protested, but House ignored him as well.

"How does Wilson play into this?" he asked. "I know he knows. If he didn't he's covering something else up."

"He was helping us keep this a secret. A lot of good that did," Cuddy muttered, still blushing.

"Oh, he didn't tell me. Otherwise I would have been soooo much more interested."

"Then how…?" Cuddy started.

"Did my own investigating," House said simply.

"You can't tell anyone," Chase said. "If you do, we'll deny everything."

"I've got evidence," House replied with a smirk. "But I won't release the pictures to the public for a price."

"What?" Cuddy shrieked, "You have pictures?!?"

"I'm not doing clinic for the rest of the year," House said. "And Chase is going to do any procedure I ask. Without whining."

"Fine," the Aussie said, pissed.

"HOUSE! I can't believe you violated our privacy," Cuddy protested.

"Really? You can't believe it? How long have you known me?"

"Alright, but if anyone finds out the deal is off," she said weakly.

"Good. Now the two of you can run along and play. I'm going to do my therapy journal like a good boy," House's eyes flashed. They left him to his porn and this journal and he was very pleased as he wrote.

'Day Nineteen:

This was better than I could have hoped for: Cuddy and Chase! God I love my job!'


	20. Chapter 20

Ch 20

House checked out of the hotel on Sunday morning very happy about the outcome of his trip to New York. He had not only used the hospital expense account to pay for the trip, but he had also found out some very interesting information about his co-workers. Dr. Lisa Cuddy, the Dean of Medicine of Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, was sleeping with one of his former fellows, Dr. Robert Chase…who just happened to be engaged to another of his former fellows, Dr. Allison Cameron…and all three worked in the same place…with him! He didn't see how his job of saving patients by solving puzzles could get any more exciting…after all he had his best friend to kill time with, lots of people to order around, and a hot bisexual doctor to look at and imagine doing naughty things to when porn just wasn't enough. The only thing he could think of that would have made the situation perfect now that he had such interesting information about his boss was Kutner.

He thought about Kutner the entire way back to Princeton. Of course he missed Kutner, you couldn't get involved with someone socially or otherwise and really like them, then not be affected by their sudden death. He pulled out a bottle of bourbon when he returned to his apartment and drank for the rest of the day as a tribute to the fallen physician.

'Day Twenty:

Great information. It's just a shame that Kutner isn't here to enjoy it. He would be the only other person here who would have loved to get his hands on this kind of information. Wilson will have to do…and he'd better damn well be willing to chat about it.'


	21. Chapter 21

Ch 21

Work on Monday was great in House's opinion. He sought out Wilson as soon as he put his things down to gloat about his discoveries and berate him for not spilling the details of the Cameron-Chase-Cuddy love triangle to him. Wilson was curious at the huge smile on House's face when he entered the room. "I'm not having sex with…" he started, rolling his eyes. House cut him off mid-sentence, however.

"Oh, I know. Who Cuddy's actually having sex with is even better." House dropped his cane onto Wilson's desk and took up residence in the seat opposite the head of oncology.

"I don't know who she's having sex with, so please enlighten me," Wilson said, thinking the comment was a ploy to get him to give up information.

"Chase…and I have pictures!" House announced, obviously proud of himself.

"You have pictures?" Wilson was impressed. "Wait, they went to New York this weekend. How did you get pictures of them 'doing the naughty' when they were in a different state?" he asked.

"I was also in that state…coincidentally."

"Right. How did you get them? Did you have your private investigator follow them?"

"I broke into Cuddy's house last week looking for evidence of you having been there and found plans to go to New York. I made reservations in the room next to hers in hopes of catching the two of you in the act. My plan worked perfectly, only Chase was the bare bottomed brute thrusting into her."

"You took pictures of them having sex? I suppose that's the only reason you're still alive. Cuddy would have ripped you a new one if you didn't have some leverage," Wilson reasoned.

"God, I'm brilliant."

"I'm glad your self-esteem wasn't daunted by the fact that you were wrong about me sleeping with Cuddy," Wilson said, pouring on the sarcasm. "It would have been a great loss."

"I know. My question is, why were you covering for her? Are you sleeping with Cameron?"

"No! Don't start this guessing game again. I don't want to know if Foreman is secretly boning Cameron and Thirteen used to be Kutner's lover. This is all crazy. And I only covered for her because she's the Dean of Medicine. And a friend."

"If I find out you were involved in some kind of threesome, I'll be knocking on your door with a stripper and a bottle of Jack to work with," House told him with a wink. Before Wilson got the chance to protest, the diagnostician was off and back to work.

House greeted his team warmly upon his arrival. They were all astounded, but didn't want to know what scheme he had pulled off to put him in such a good mood. Thirteen presented him with a case of a 54 year old man who couldn't stop sneezing who also didn't have any body hair and House's day was looking up even further. He ordered a full round of tests and turned on the television to catch General Hospital. When the show was over he pulled out his diary and started jotting down his thoughts.

'Day Twenty-One:

Sometimes Mondays aren't that bad. I have everything in the world to make me happy in my hands. A puzzle, black mailing material, and a friend who quite possibly likes to share women. How could life get better…except if Thirteen liked to share women…'


	22. Chapter 22

Ch 22

Every time House passed Chase in the hallways or on the way to Cuddy's office his face lit up. Chase of course looked completely terrified and tried to get away as quickly as possible. It was fascinating how guilty people looked when they thought people knew something embarrassing about them. Unfortunately for both the Aussie and his secret lover, House did know something. And he had hard proof. And he worked with the woman that would be destroyed if she found out that he was a liar and a cheat. He took on a greenish tinge whenever he was in the company of others and Cuddy walked into the room with House. Which was happening uncomfortably frequently on Tuesday, much to Chase's displeasure.

House simply beamed at the young doctor when he entered the room, Cuddy in tow. Chase had been eating lunch with Cameron when House had barged in and demanded that he perform a dangerous brain biopsy on a patient whose heart was damaged from a massive heart attack and who had needed oxygen before getting sick just to be able to breathe. Chase had no choice but to agree to the procedure. Cameron looked like she wanted to protest but House told her it was all for the good of the patient and she settled down. Chase looked like a complete idiot when he blindly agreed to do whatever his former boss asked in front of the two women that he was sleeping with. He couldn't help it though…he just wasn't ready to tell Cameron that their relationship was over.

House smiled brightly as Chase and Cuddy accompanied him into his office. He sat down behind his desk and looked up at the two expectantly while they grimaced and fought not to throttle him. "That was actually just a test," House explained, eyes alight with amusement. "I just needed to know that you were both ready to do whatever I asked without questioning me. Sure it's a bit risqué to suggest a patient have a brain biopsy when he doesn't need one, but it was all for the test so no harm."

The two guilty parties had to agree with him even thought they both would have liked to choke him to death. "Do you actually need anything or can I go back to work now?" Cuddy asked.

"You've already ruined my lunch with Cameron," Chase put in.

"Oh don't worry about it. She won't even care that you ruined the lunch when she finds out that you've been boinking the boss," House said.

"You aren't going to tell her, are you?" Chase asked, trying to fight back the wave of sick that threatened to overpower him.

"No. The fun would be gone if she found out," the older man told them. "You guys can get back to whatever it was that you were doing before you were agreeing to do whatever I asked," he told them. When they left the office he pulled out the therapy diary once again.

'Day Twenty-Two:

Perhaps I was a little hard on them. I needed to know that they were going to keep up their end of the bargain though. *sigh* Things are finally going my way. They hadn't seemed quite right since Kutner offed himself…'


	23. Chapter 23

Ch 23

House was beginning to think that Cuddy was going to fold and let Cameron know everything that had been going on. Chase seemed worried as well when House spotted him at lunch with his blonde fiancé or milling around the hospital. House didn't exactly want Cameron to hurt, but he certainly wanted to have some level of power over his boss. He went to find Wilson and ask his advice soon after lunch.

"I dunno what to tell you, not that you'd take my advice anyway. It's not like you have any control over what they're doing, anyway," the oncologist pointed out.

"What? I have influence. If Chase was afraid of me letting his fragile little fiancé in on the secret he would run to Cuddy and beg her to do something, anything to keep me pacified."

Wilson looked his best friend over curiously. "You really don't care that once this craziness gets out the entire community in which you exist will go into uproar and things will come crashing down hard and fast? Cameron is going to be devastated, Cuddy and Chase will be found out and will possibly lose their jobs or have to transfer or something, you'll lose any leverage you had here, some hard ass might be your new boss, and in the worst case scenario, you'd get fired for your knowledge of the matter. Of course the hard ass wouldn't like you anyway so if Cuddy got fired, you wouldn't be far behind."

House thought for a moment. "Maybe you're right. I don't think Cuddy would lose her job, but it would certainly do you some good if Cameron were to lose her cool. Your libido would practically explode."

"Yes, because a friend in need deserves nothing more than furious bouts of sex, that's my philosophy," Wilson said and snorted.

"Don't deny it: you would love for Cameron to be freed up…But we don't want everything to go haywire. I'll keep the secret for the right price. And you'll have to help me keep Cameron quiet. I think you can handle that…" House glanced suggestively at Wilson's crotch and stood up. "This is still amazing news! And a great big bargaining chip."

He left Wilson looking after him on his way back to his office. After so many years, one would have thought that Wilson would be used to House's insanity, but somehow the diagnostician seemed to keep his originality and ability to surprise those around him. House ordered steroids for the patient he was treating and settled down in his office to write in his journal and think about his case.

'Day Twenty-Three:

The patient should have been fixed by now. Damned woman is insufferably stubborn. If she would just agree to the treatment we could fix her. She'll only take steroids for breathing purposes for now, though. Soon enough she'll see the light…I'll make her see it.

I really hope Cuddy and her 'love wombat' don't do anything stupid any time soon. It would be better for all of us if they kept their mouths shut and Cuddy's legs open.'


	24. Chapter 24

Ch 24

House smiled even though his patient was non-responsive to the treatment that she had finally caved and taken. He at least knew her ailment. Surprisingly the treatment would skew her perfect strictly Christian view of the world. She had cancer which, fortunately, had been caught early enough to cure. She would, however, be smoking lots of weed. Wilson would be amused as well. He had though the crazy, overly religious woman would drive House insane…the outcome had been just the opposite, however. House had taunted her a bit and she had nearly gone over the edge, beside herself because the man that was curing her was an atheist. Wilson also loved to prescribe marijuana so that would be an extra treat for him.

"Something about prescribing weed makes me feel like the hippie days are back," Wilson mused over his lunch. House couldn't help but laugh.

"You weren't even around in the 'hippie days,'" he pointed out.

Wilson shrugged. "Still, it's an interesting vibe I get."

"How much weed did you smoke in your youthful days?" House asked. "I know I was drug free…dare and all that."

It was Wilson's turn to snort. "You passed up on passing the peace pipe?" Wilson asked.

"I'm not THAT old," House replied. "And no, but I only smoked weed occasionally. And only because of a girl who wanted me…she was bohemian."

A smirk plastered itself all over Wilson's face. "Bohemian?"

"Yes. She didn't smell awful, if that's what you're thinking…at least not that I remember."

"I think all the Vicodin is messing up your memory," Wilson told his friend. "All bohemian's smell less than pleasant."

"Have you ever met one?" House asked.

Wilson rolled his eyes. "Of course. Remember that girl that you brought me with the suspected leukemia. She didn't have cancer, but a pound of weed and a boyfriend named 'Moonchild' were never far away."

"I meant before you met me."

"Are you some kind of hippie magnet now?" Wilson asked. "Yes. My brother had a friend in high school named Jill. Her parents hadn't given up the glory days and she was raised with the name 'Flower.'"

House laughed and stood up, leaving his trash for Wilson to collect. "Ok. So you're a hippie expert. I've got to go talk Cuddy into keeping Chase's mouth on her treasure chest so Cameron doesn't have a breakdown and ruin my plans."

"Well that would be a shame," Wilson replied sarcastically, gathering the remnants of their lunch.

"You're right…it shouldn't be that hard to keep the lecherous wombat between her legs, they're spread far enough as it is," House said. Wilson rolled his eyes; he found it easier than trying to argue with his best friend. He discarded the trash and followed House out of the cafeteria.

"You need to keep Chase quiet," House said, barging into the Dean's office unceremoniously. "If he talks you're all screwed."

"Excuse me?" Cuddy asked. She had been on the phone and quickly apologized to whomever was on the other end and hung up, promising to call them back. "What is he talking about?" she asked Wilson.

"Chase is apparently on the edge of revealing your forbidden love to Cameron and House doesn't want anything to happen to his leverage," the oncologist told his boss.

"No, no. I'm trying to protect you," he told her with much fake sincerity. "I don't want anything to happen to you for your own good."

"And your interests have nothing to do with it?" she asked. "Fine. I'll talk to him. God knows he should just break it off with Cameron and forget about telling her the truth about us, but he's got some inner conflict to deal with," Cuddy admitted, exasperated. "He apparently can't just break it off."

"Well work some magic on him quick," House suggested. "Or both of you will be out of a job." Wilson followed his friend out of Cuddy's office and they parted ways at the elevator, Wilson having to take care of other matters and House wanting to gloat to his team about being right on the case.

It was only after he had sent Foreman off to give the patient the news that he settled in to write his entry for the day.

'Day Twenty-Four:

It feels so good to be right. They should give me a metal for being right so much of the time. Hopefully Cuddy takes my advice and shut the Aussie up. We can't have things falling apart before I've even started working on them…

This journal business isn't half bad. Not that I'll ever tell administration that. I suppose I should thank Kutner for giving me the chance to write things out…much more interesting when I plan things out on paper.'


	25. Chapter 25

CH 25

Chase had opened his mouth, exactly like House had hoped he wouldn't. He had had to tell Cameron the secret burning within him and for that House could have killed him. He entered the hospital to find a small crowd gathering around Cuddy's outer office doors with muffled yelling coming from within.

"Break it up!" he yelled, moving forward and whacking people out of the way with his cane. Nurses and patients alike scrambled to get out of the way of House and his wooden pole. "I'll take care of this. I don't know why people seem to get into other people's business around here!" he announced loud enough for everyone in the area to hear him. "If all of you don't get away and stay away from this office, I'll make sure Dr. Cuddy knows you were eavesdropping on her conversations."

When the small crowd was properly dispersed and people had once again gone back to their jobs and waiting rooms, House entered the office. The yelling was much louder inside the office than it had been in the lobby. Cuddy was blushing furiously and trying to calm Cameron down from behind her large wooden desk. Chase was dodging Cameron's tiny swinging fists and Wilson watched from the corner of the room.

"How long has this been going on?" he asked Wilson.

The oncologist looked down at his watch then back at House. "About an hour. It was chance that I happened to be here when they came in, screaming and flailing around."

"Well everyone in the lobby was trying to get a feel for what was happening in here," House told him. "They at least have to be quieter or someone's going to call the police and everything will be all over the news."

"Do you want to try to calm Cameron down?" Wilson asked.

House rolled his eyes and opened his mouth. "QUIET!!! If all of you aren't in a chair in the next thirty seconds, not screaming any more, I'll start using the cane!" he threatened. The three looked shocked, but after a moment Cameron rounded on him with more malice in her eyes than House had ever seen.

"You knew about this too and didn't tell me?" she demanded.

"Sit down or I'll make you sit," he told her. Cuddy took her seat behind the desk, Chase moved off to the side, near Wilson, much to the oncologist's dismay, and House waited for Cameron to take the seat in front of Cuddy's desk before dropping his bag and sitting beside her. "We're going to talk this out like rational humans," he told his colleagues. "And if you don't like it, too bad. This crap has to be settled today."

Cuddy apologized to Cameron half a dozen times before House silenced her with a look. "Yes, they've been sleeping together, but if you go on yelling about it, the whole hospital will know and both of them will be out of a job…Cuddy will be out of a career, and Wilson and I will be prematurely deaf," he reasoned. "I know you're pissed, but try to see things from someone else's point of view."

"You're on their side?" Cameron asked House, thoroughly surprised.

"I don't take sides," House replied. "You worked for me for three years and you didn't learn that I play the sides against each other without committing to either?" Cameron looked sullenly at him, but didn't say anything else. "No, I'm not on their side. They've done you wrong. They should pay. But do you want the entire hospital to pay? I didn't think so."

Wilson stood, glad that House had quieted the noise. "Cameron, you deserve better than this cheating pretty boy. Cuddy deserves him if she's willing to take someone else's fiancé," he told the blonde girl.

"Sit down, Dr. Feelgood," House instructed. "He's right though. If they hurt someone else, they don't deserve someone as good as you in their lives. Just walk away and let them have whatever they can scrape together as solace. You need someone who can care about you."

"Fine," Cameron said, a look of determination on her face. "I want you. If you agree to try having a real relationship with me, I'll keep the information about them to myself."

House was more than a little surprised by her stipulations but nodded dumbly after a moment. Chase slipped out and went back to the surgical department, and after a moment of looking House over, Cameron went back to the ER. Wilson and Cuddy both stared at the diagnostician in amazement. "You-you're actually going to give the relationship with Cameron a chance?" Wilson asked after a long, uncomfortable moment.

House nodded. "If it keeps things together."

"Thank you, House," Cuddy said. Her voice was scratchy, as though she hadn't used it in a long while. He simply nodded again.

Wilson walked out with House and didn't speak until they got into the elevator. "She's not that bad, you know."

"Cuddy?" House asked.

"Cameron. You're doing a good thing…you might even get something out of it."

"No clinic for a year…that's a decent trade," he agreed.

"I mean out of dating Cameron."

"I dunno," House said. Wilson escorted him to his office, where his team somehow already knew about his new relationship with Cameron. "How did you find out?" he asked them after receiving their congratulations.

"I just saw Cameron in the hall," Foreman told him. "She looked like she'd seen a ghost and asked me to give you this message." Foreman handed a small white paper over to House. Cameron wanted to meet him after work at a bar called 'The Blue Martini' to discuss things. "How did she manage to convince you after all those years?" the neurologist wanted to know.

"Sometimes perseverance does pay off," House replied. He and Wilson holed up in his office to talk quietly about the upcoming date and when his friend left, House thought about what he had gotten himself into.

Sure, Cameron was pretty and smart. Perhaps he even liked her, but the team and the rest of the hospital was sure to catch on to him dating her…they would wonder about his motives. He wondered about her motives. There were a few things he had to figure out.

House met Cameron at The Blue Martini at 7. She had a booth and was waiting for him. "So would you like to tell me why I'm the solution to your breakup?" he asked after placing an order for scotch.

"I like you," she said simply. She was exactly the same as she always was during their first date as a couple. He had to wonder if she had actually been upset about finding out that Chase was sleeping with Cuddy. Perhaps her plan all along was to find a way to get House. He opened his laptop as soon as he got home and started typing.

'Day Twenty-five:

I have to wonder why Cameron would want to date me. Why would that be the solution to her breaking up with Chase? Kutner would tell me to let it go and date the hot chick, but I have to wonder…she has been in love with me for a while though…'


	26. Chapter 26

Ch 26

House didn't exactly know what to expect when he arrived at work the day after Cameron had asked him out…well demanded that he accept her, really. Everything seemed normal. He went upstairs via elevator and his team had a case waiting for him as usual. Foreman made no jokes about office romance and simply moved to do what House asked when the head of diagnostics ordered a full round of drug tests for a fourteen year old boy who had presented with purple vomit and a rash.

House sat back in his chair and pondered for a while. His thoughts were interrupted by Wilson at noon, however. "You aren't watching television?" the oncologist asked his friend.

"Too busy trying to find the rat poison in this maze that Cuddy has to have set up," House replied.

"What are you talking about?" Wilson wanted to know.

"Things are too calm," Houser responded. "Nobody is pestering me about my motives for accepting Cameron as a lover, or fighting about who took whose man, or demanding I look for alternative reasons that a fourteen year old choir boy would throw up his grape juice and scratch his ass."

"Woah. Reading a lot into people believing you, much?" Wilson asked, his eyebrows disappearing into his dark bangs.

"Only when they usually want me to prove that I'm right," House countered.

"Fair enough. Do you want to get some lunch?"

"I guess," House stood. "Why did you come to ask me, though…usually we do it the other way around."

"I don't have much work and I didn't get breakfast. What's with the sudden paranoia?"

House looked his best friend over suspiciously. "You aren't part of the game?"

"What game?" Wilson asked, seemingly bewildered.

"Cuddy's little game."

"I seriously think you should let well enough alone occasionally, House."

"You would say that. Things are just too…too perfect," House said as they approached the elevators.

"Think whatever you want, I know you will anyway. I'm not part of any game. Nor do I know of any games that are going on where you're concerned. Cuddy might just be showing her gratitude for yesterday by keeping the hounds away from your heels." Wilson shrugged as though there was nothing more natural.

"I'll be watching you," House informed him. Wilson rolled his eyes but got into the elevator anyway. House might be a little off his rocker, but he was brilliant and Wilson knew that he wouldn't back down from what he saw as a challenge. Wilson could only hope that he was right when he told House there was no game. It was a little strange that nobody questioned him about anything.

It was almost 5 p.m. when House broke out his journal. He hadn't seen Cameron all day and had to wonder if she was part of the 'game' as well or if she had simply changed her mind about him. There was a chance that after five years of built up tension; the actuality of him would be a letdown. Not sure how he felt about that particular possibility, he began to type.

'Day Twenty-Six:

I haven't seen my swooning sweetheart all day, which is suspicious. If Cuddy has some sort of plan to make me get in touch with my feelings and Cameron is playing along, I'll kill them both. People should really learn that I'm much better at messing with their heads than they are at messing with mine.'


	27. Chapter 27

Ch 27

Cameron found House asleep in his own bed on Tuesday morning. He had decided to sleep in as he had worked through the weekend. Cuddy wouldn't mind, he had told himself. He rubbed his eyes blearily as the blonde's voice drifted into his head. "Are you awake?" she asked. He muttered a few swear words, informing her that he was coherent, if not totally awake. "I just thought I'd check in on you. You didn't show up for work."

"I know I didn't show up for work," he said grumpily. House was definitely not a morning person.

"Why not?" she asked and he was reminded of a small child. She looked at him with her big blue eyes open fully intent on his face.

"Would you stop looking at me like that and bring me some coffee?" he asked, sitting up. She nodded and headed off to the kitchen and he hoisted himself up and toward the bathroom. When he came out wearing only a t-shirt and boxers Cameron was a little shocked. She forced herself to look away from his lower portions, which he noticed.

"Why are you here?" he wanted to know, taking the cup from her and sipping at the hot liquid within.

"You didn't show up for work, I was worried," she started, but he cut her off.

"I'm fine. I worked all weekend and solved a case yesterday, I get a day off now."

"But you didn't solve the case," she told him.

"What?"

"The kid is comatose now. The team couldn't reach you because apparently you turned your phones off," Cameron said.

"Dammit." He set the coffee down on his night stand and pulled on the jeans he had worn the day before. He retrieved the coffee cup and hobbled toward the door.

"Where are you going? I thought you were taking a day off," she asked, trailing behind him.

"Well I can't now. The kid's dying and I have to figure out why…that's my job."

"Foreman can take care of it…"

"Foreman can't take care of himself," House countered. Cameron sighed and followed him out to his car. She had taken a taxi to his house, hoping to spend some time with him. She got in on the passenger's side and bucked her seat belt as he started the car. "Do you want to tell me what kind of game Cuddy is playing?" he asked her.

"I don't think she's playing any games," Cameron replied. He looked her over as the stopped for a red light. She looked sincere. He sighed; if there was a game, Cameron wasn't in on it. They didn't talk again until House parked the car.

"You want to get dinner tonight?" he asked her.

"Sure," she responded. He could practically hear her becoming excited. He nodded and accompanied her into the hospital. "What time?" she asked.

"Seven…my place," he told her.

"Sounds great. I'll bring the pizza."

"And get some beer while you're out," he told her as he stepped into the elevator. She nodded and smiled at him, then headed off in the direction of the Emergency Room.

House ordered more treatment for the dying kid and roused him out of his coma, then set to work on finding out Cuddy's game. She was 'in a meeting' with Chase all afternoon, however and House grudgingly had to resign to waiting until morning. He was out of the hospital by 2 p.m.

'Day Twenty-Seven:

I'm getting some sleep before Cameron gets here with the food. Might as well rest up to get something out of this relationship tonight…she'd probably die of joy from one kiss.'

He closed his computer and trotted off to bed, determined not to be awakened until 6:30…Cameron was always early.


	28. Chapter 28

Ch 28

His dinner with Cameron having gone extremely well, House woke up on Wednesday at nearly noon. He was late for work, as was the blonde still snoring gently beside him in his bed. She had been much less inhibited than he had imagined. All in all not a bad show, he decided. He grinned and limped off to the bathroom to shower. Cameron was waiting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee when he came out, ready to go. She offered him the coffee and followed him out to his car.

"We can't do this very often," he told her as he started the engine.

"We can't have sex very often?" she asked, taking a sip of her own coffee.

"Not that. We'll be having sex quite a bit," he told her. She smiled despite herself and waited for him to continue. "We can't skip out on work…for having sex."

"Right." She cleared her throat. "I called Cuddy at 8 to tell her we would be a bit late. She seemed to understand," Cameron told House.

"To told Cuddy about our hot sex?" he asked. "That's a shot below the belt, don't you think?"

"No…I just told her that we had both had a long night."

"Right," House said with a smirk. "I like the competitive streak you've been hiding." She met his smile as he parked the car, her face slightly pink.

"Well get used to it…it's here to stay."

House walked into Wilson's office with a grin on his face. " I should have tried dating Cameron a long time ago," House said, propping his cane against the desk and settling himself into a chair.

Wilson's mouth formed a small 'O' and his eyes lit up. "You…you didn't…"

"I did," House corrected him. "She did…lots!"

"You dog!" Wilson laughed, his smile reaching his eyes and turning them into melted chocolate. "You hooked up with Cameron."

"Thank you, Cuddy," House said out loud. "If her plan was to get me in a better mood, she should have suggested this a while back."

"You wouldn't have gone for it a while back," Wilson pointed out. "Didn't think Cameron was…your style."

"Cameron is everyone's style," House said, his eyes lighting up as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "It's been a while since I've done Cuddy, but I dunno why Chase would have left a thing like Cameron behind…Cuddy must be awesome now…"

"So I've heard," Wilson replied. "Wanna catch some lunch and discuss this further?" The two men ate and chatted, laughed and discussed Cameron's merits for nearly an hour. The patient was responding to treatment until late afternoon and House was forced to stabilize him again.

"This is the greatest day ever," he said, mock sarcastically to his team. "Sex and a medical mystery!" After sending them off to do more genetic testing on the patient, he settled down in his office with the journal, all thoughts of interrogating Cuddy forgotten.

'Day Twenty-Eight:

What a great day to be alive…sorry Kutner, if you were here I'm sure you'd agree…hell you could probably even get Thirteen to make out with you in the lab…'


	29. Chapter 29

Ch 29

House was humming to himself as he went about his day.

'Day Twenty-Nine:

One day left of this therapy journal…it hasn't been as bad as I thought…and not nearly as bad as the clinic. Today was a calm day, which I thoroughly enjoyed. The team worked on the patient…who I have already correctly diagnosed, and I watched my soaps and day dreamed about sleeping with Cameron in this office. I'll have to look in to getting her to agree to that last part. She's different than when she worked for me somehow. Feistier…I like it.'

He was finishing his entry for the day when Foreman walked in. "What's going on?" Foreman asked, handing over some paperwork that House would probably never sign. "Am I interrupting something important?"

"God no, you just got me away from that stupid therapy journal Cuddy's making all of us do. It's a relief, actually," House replied. He looked Foreman over. "What am I supposed to do with these?"

"Sign them…what therapy journal?" Foreman asked. "You've mentioned it before, but I was too busy to ask."

House narrowed his eyes, his good mood dropping slightly. "The assignment Cuddy gave us all…I bargained of course. Told her I would only do it if I got 2 months off of clinic." Foreman looked confused and a fire lit inside of House.

"But we weren't…" Before he could finish saying that no one else was assigned a therapy journal House was out of his chair and headed toward the elevator…Foreman knew that there would be hell to pay on Cuddy's part. Foreman chuckled to himself, however: she had actually managed to trick House…for an entire month.

House was ready to spit flames when he entered Cuddy's office. "YOU LIED TO ME?"

She hung up the phone without saying anything to the person on the other end of the line. "It was to help you out. You prefer to confront your own thought to doing clinic hours I imagine."

"YOU HAD NO RIGHT!!!!"

"House! HOUSE!" she yelled after him. But he was gone…had stormed out, something he usually didn't do until he had berated a person. He was beyond pissed.


	30. Chapter 30

Ch 30

House had been so completely pissed off that he hadn't slept after learning of Cuddy's treachery. He had paced instead…which irritated his leg, which pissed him off further. How could she trick him into writing about his feelings for an entire month? he asked himself. By morning he stank of bourbon and unwashed sweat from his pacing and was still revved up from his experiences.

He snarled around all day, stopping by his computer to complete the journal, though he knew truth.

'Day Thirty:

You wanted the diary; you have it…all thirty days. I don't back out on my deals. And I don't play with the serious emotions of others.'

It was mostly true anyway. He didn't intentionally hurt anyone to get a rise out of them…not serious hurt, anyway. He paced around some more until he could stand being on his feet no longer and collapsed in pain on his couch with a bottle of Vicodin and a sour disposition.

Cuddy had explained the situation to Cameron and had asked her to stop by and see the diagnostician who hadn't showed up to work. The blonde was a little nervous about the situation, knowing full well that House wouldn't be in the mood to see anyone…not even his new girlfriend. She sighed deeply when she got no response after knocking on his door for ten minutes. He was either passed out or so pissed that he didn't care about the banging on his door. "HOUSE!" she called through the wood. "Let me in!"

But of course there was no response. Cameron searched around the door for a spare key and finally found one in the panel of wood that served as a door frame. She let herself in and looked around…it certainly smelled like he was pissed. She spotted him on the couch and went to him, pulling out her cell phone as she realized that he was lying in his own vomit. He had overdosed in his anger at Cuddy. She dialed an ambulance for Princeton Plainsboro and then called Wilson, who promised to call Cuddy.

The paramedics got there to take House to the hospital, where he would be forced to face Cuddy, the woman who had actually hurt him.


	31. Chapter 31

Ch 31

He was groggy when he awakened, and in quite a bit of pain. The damned lights were blinding him. Where was his Vicodin? Voices floated to his ears and he made out a feminine one saying something about a stomach pump. He had either fallen asleep during a soap opera marathon or he was in the hospital. The events of the previous evening came flooding back and he realized that someone must have found him collapsed. He was in the hospital then…that explained the pain and lack of Vicodin.

"How is he?" this voice was distinct. The one House could have picked out in a dark room full of smelly surgeons. Wilson had heard about his overdose.

"Stable…he still hasn't woken up," the feminine voice replied. For some reason he just could not put his thumb on the owner of that voice. He tried to open one bleary eye and saw the outline of a slender brunette. Thirteen was taking care of him. House had to wonder where his girlfriend was at a time like this…probably negotiating with Cuddy…traitorous bitches. He grumbled something about wanting Morphine and fell back into the darkness of sleep.

House opened his eyes again several hours later. He couldn't tell what time it was but at least the lights were mercifully off. He sighed, wincing in pain when the realization hit him that he still had no Morphine…or Vicodin for that matter. He looked around the room and spotted his cane in the corner with his clothes. He was in a private room so there was no reason to worry about someone seeing his tush as he stood to retrieve his things. There was surely a bottle of pills in his jacket somewhere.

He limped painfully over to the pile and riffled through the pockets. The pills had been confiscated, by Cuddy, no doubt. He cursed under his breath, and then struggled to put his pants on. His leg was aching, pain shooting through the entirety. He swore again, this time out loud, and finally managed to cover his unmentionables. He grabbed the cane and hobbled out of the room.

House made his way to the elevator which was surprisingly easy: the nurse on call must have been elsewhere. He pressed the button and was so close to freedom he could taste it. He planned on getting a refill of his meds and catching a cab home. He was thwarted, however, by a demon in a tight suit and a lab coat. Cuddy appeared as the elevator doors opened. "Damn!" House swore, turning on his heel and wincing in pain. He tried to escape the chat that was inevitably coming, but she was obviously faster. She cornered him before he even got past the nurse's station.

He leaned heavily against the wall as she started her interrogation. "What the hell were you thinking, House? You could have killed yourself!"

"Yes, I realize that…perhaps that's what I was trying to do. I don't take kindly to the betrayal of trust."

She moved closer and he felt even more uncomfortable. "This isn't about you being hurt. This is about me beating you at your own game. You mess with people's minds, but don't like having yours poked at."

"Overdosed recently, would you mind yelling a little softer?" he asked, plugging his ears as her shrill voice pierced his eardrums.

She lowered her tone, fortunately. "Fine. Just get off your pity wagon and get over it," she told him.

"You lied to me! About a hospital requirement. I could sue," He pointed out.

"I lied to you to get you to admit that maybe you need to chat with someone about your unresolved feelings concerning Kutner's death," she replied.

"It turns out, I don't need to chat with a shrink. I'm fine writing it all out!" he fairly yelled, panting heavily from the pain.

"Well it did you some good!"

"No it screwed me over. I was fine…everything resolved until you forced me to dig down deep," he told her. He tried to dodge her and move back toward his room, but his leg gave out and he toppled over. She gasped and hurried to help him, but he swatted her away. "You caused this," he said. "You'll have to deal with the consequences."

"House, I…"

House cut her off, however. "Get me some MORPHINE, woman!"

Resigned to the fact that he would never just talk about his emotions she hurried to the nurse's station to grab some pain killer. She injected him and he lay panting in the floor. "I'm sorry," she told him before walking back to the elevator. She knew he would respect her more for walking away. If he had something to say, he would come to her.

House watched Cuddy get back on the elevator. The door closed behind her and he let his head drop back, blissfully getting some of the edge taken off his pain by the drugs. He clambered to his feet after a few moments and went back to his room. After his little run in with Cuddy he needed some rest. He couldn't sleep, however, so he turned the television on. The nurse brought him Morphine every two hours thanks to the Dean of Medicine.


	32. Chapter 32

Ch 32

House was getting impatient. He had been in bed all day the previous day and all day today without a new Vicodin prescription. He had the nurses page Wilson, but to no avail. The oncologist was perpetually busy it seemed. House threatened to walk out and just leave without the pills, intent on finding a stash in his apartment, but a security guard had been posted by his door. Foreman finally came in to talk to him about a patient and House battered him verbally, trying to get information and a prescription so he could be released.

"This is a 12 year old girl who is not epileptic having epileptic seizures. She's perfectly healthy except for the seizures," Foreman tried.

"Obviously she isn't healthy if she can't stop seizing. Where the hell is Wilson? I need someone to write me a scrip for pain meds!"

"Wilson is probably doing his job. And Cuddy's orders are to keep away from you with a prescription pad. What about this little girl, House?"

"I can't help this little girl if I'm in pain!" House retorted. "Give me a pill or get out!"

Foreman sighed. He would do the latter…House might not be able to fire him, but Cuddy sure as hell was. House groaned after Foreman left, still experiencing pain in his thigh. He hated Cuddy for cutting him off…the Morphine wasn't doing the job anymore.

Tired of his ranting, the nurses had given in and called Cuddy for House after nearly two solid hours of abuse. The Dean of Medicine was not pleased to have been pulled out of a board meeting to cater to House's needs. "I left Brenda in charge so I could get some work done!" she told the nurse at House's bedside.

"Brenda is busy," the older woman replied, poking House in the arm for the twelfth time since his admittance. She 'couldn't find his vein.'

"What do you need?" Cuddy asked, sighing.

"Drugs!" House fairly yelled. "Why can't I get a prescription for Vicodin?"

"Because you overdosed less than forty-eight hours ago on Vicodin," she told him, exasperated. "And I can't up the Morphine dose…your body won't handle it."

"Then let me go home."

"You know I can't do that," she said, taking in the sight of him. He was sweating, clearly in pain and starting to detox from the Vicodin since the Morphine had stopped working. Pain was clearly etched into his face.

"Do something," he begged.

Cuddy threw up her hands, and then nodded at the nurse, who administered a strong sleep aid. House was put to sleep and the Dean walked out of the room, his situation weighing heavily on her mind. He was obviously in pain, but there was nothing else to do…she couldn't give him the stuff that he had nearly poisoned himself with. She went back to the board meeting knowing that he would only get more pissed as she detoxed him further.


	33. Chapter 33

Ch 33

House woke up in pain. He let out a strangled yell and a particularly bitchy nurse walked calmly into the room. "What do you need?" she asked. House wanted to scowl at her and berate her but he was in full on detoxification mode and his body was uncooperative. He was in pain and realized that Cuddy must have taken him off of the Morphine altogether. The sick feeling overwhelmed him and the meager contents of his stomach threatened to expose themselves all over the front of his gown.

"I need drugs!" he said desperately, tears streaming down his cheeks without him even realizing that he was crying. He was feeling the detox full on…it was as bad as he could remember.

"I'm sorry, but I can't give you drugs. Dr. Cuddy's orders," she replied, turning away. She would have walked out; leaving House in his miserable state if he hadn't uttered the word he so despised using.

"Please…" It fell from his lips like a ripe fruit from a tree…he couldn't stop it from happening. He looked simply awful lying there covered in sweat and the debris from a sick fit that he couldn't remember having. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was a mess. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die if he couldn't have some medication.

"I'll call Dr. Cuddy," the woman said grudgingly. She grumbled all the way out the door and continued grumbling even when Cuddy picked up the phone.

"I'll be there in five minutes," Cuddy conceded.

As much as he hated her for doing such a thing to him, House saw Cuddy as an angel when she walked into his room. She looked at him, clearly concerned, but determined not to give in and order a prescription. "You'll never get over your addiction if you don't go through this," she told him. "And I'm bound by law to detoxify you…you know that."

"Please," House croaked for the second time that day. "Do something…I can't…I can't take this. It's worse than…than I've ever had it."

"It might actually work this time, then," she replied. If he weren't in agony he would have noticed the hesitation in her eyes. She didn't want House to be in pain, but there were some things that had to be done, she reasoned. "I'm sorry. I can put you to sleep again, but you'll have to wake up eventually. We have to get everything out of your system."

House closed his eyes and looked like he was in prayer. Cuddy hated herself, but she could only give him a sleep aid. He was in pain…his leg felt like it was being torn apart, but there was nothing she could or would do to fix that problem.

When she was sure House was asleep again, Cuddy sighed and sank into a chair. She watched him sleep, fitfully for a while and rubbed her temples. After a bit, she rose, deciding that she needed to speak to Wilson. He looked just as haggard as she did when she entered his office. He had been very worried about his best friend.

"How is he?" Wilson asked.

"Not good," she replied honestly. "It's bad. And the pain really isn't helping him. I can't let him get to me, though. He has to detox."

"I know," Wilson sighed. "You're doing the right thing."

"I'm not so sure."

"Is he talking to you now?"

"Begging me for drugs. I don't think he'll be in a very talkative mood when this is over, either. He'll probably have even more reason to avoid me."

"Probably. But you are Dean of Medicine. You can keep him here as long as it takes." Cuddy nodded. Wilson wanted what was best for his friend, but Cuddy knew that he also wanted House to have a decent working atmosphere and the situation with Cuddy's lie and the journal assignment would never be resolved if House was left to his own devices. She sighed, her head in her hands as Wilson tried to think about something that wasn't House for once in the time that he had met his best friend.


	34. Chapter 34

Ch 34

House awakened to the violent churning of his stomach and within minutes he had emptied out the meager contents of his belly. Wave upon wave of bile burned his throat as he excreted the foul substance and his eyes watered, mixing with the other fluids that poured out of him like a volcano. When he was finally able to collapse back onto the bed, the pain in his leg became foremost in his clouded mind. He realized that he must be in the final stages of detoxifying his body and he groaned loudly. He writhed around in bed, swearing profusely and pressing the nurse call button until someone agreed to get Wilson in his room.

The oncologist stood at the foot of the bed, looking at his best friend sheepishly. He hated seeing House in pain, but the odds were against him surviving many more overdoses. "How are you feeling?" Wilson asked, nothing else coming to mind.

"How does it look like I feel?" House croaked. "I need pain meds…my leg…"

"I can't do that…you know I can't."

"Cuddy won't fire you for prescribing medication to someone who needs it," House told him.

"She might if it was you. She's trying to help."

"Like she tried to help me confront my feelings about Kutner's death? I don't want that kind of help. I want the pain to go away!"

Wilson took in the pain in House's eyes and it wrenched his heart. "I can't," he whispered. He turned away, but paused at the door. "I'm sorry, House." There was no reply and Wilson sighed out loud before leaving the room.

Cuddy didn't try to see House for the next two days. She knew that he would want drugs, but she couldn't let all the work she had put into getting him clean be for naught. She knew he could function if he could get through the detox. She wanted him to function like a normal human.

"I don't think it's possible," Chase told her as they lay entwined in her bed. "He's not like other people."

"Maybe not, but he is still a person."

Chase had dropped the subject after that. "Has Cameron seen him?" the Aussie asked his lover.

"No. I told her that if she went within 200 feet of the room she was fired. She probably would have sacrificed the job if I hadn't also put a guard on her. He keeps blocking her entrance."

"I'll bet she's none too happy about being kept away from him."

"She would give in, "Cuddy replied. "And I can't let him go back to the way he was."

"He'll probably go back whether you like it or not," Chase told her.

"I've still got to try."


	35. Chapter 35

Ch 35

Finally the sick waves stopped and the headache subsided to a dull throbbing, House's leg, on the other hand, was fully screaming out to be medicated. He cried out, the tears flowing freely, but no one came to offer him redemption. Cuddy watched him through the window and when he gazed at her he found that he would forgive her every sin if she would simply make the pain stop. She always turned away when his red rimmed eyes connected with her tired ones, however. House was always left alone in his agony.

"When are you going to help him?" Wilson asked worriedly after he had looked in on his best friend.

"When I'm sure he can stand the drugs," she replied. "You know I don't want to do this…"

"I know, but he's in pain. He can't control that."

"He needs to get used to the pain before I can give him treatment…he'll just go back to over medicating if I dope him up."

"This might be for the best," Wilson told her, "But you're an awful bitch sometimes." He had walked away from her and she felt the full weight of what she was doing. House would see it much the same. She decided it would be best to let him sweat it out for another full day before administering pain medication. It was cruel, she knew, but he needed to have his medication processes reset.

House was asleep, but feeling pain all the same when Cuddy entered his room with two Vicodin. She sighed heavily, not wanting to wake him. He stirred, anyway and looked up at her with accusation in his eyes. "I can give you meds now," she said softly. He studied her face, but said nothing. She handed him the plastic cup containing the pills and watched him down them without aid of liquid. "It should start to work within the hour."

He didn't take his eyes off her and she stood it for as long as she could before leaving him alone to feel the effects of the medication. House was grateful to have the medication, but he now resented Cuddy more than ever. If he hadn't needed relief so badly he would have refused her treatment on the principle that he would not be dictated to. The shooting pain in his leg subsided eventually and he felt a warm, comfortable feeling spread to the place between his eyes. He lay back and dozed, finally able to sleep without the burden of the full pain that racked his leg.


	36. Chapter 36

Ch 36

"Where is she?" House demanded of the secretary that Cuddy had hired to take care of her dirty work. The diagnostician had finally been released from the hospital the day after getting the relief of pain medication and was now out for blood, but the Dean of Medicine was nowhere to be found.

"She said she'd be out all morning," the young man replied, slightly anxious in the presence of House's displeasure.

"Figures," he muttered under his breath. "Probably off spanking the wombat…"

"What was that?" the secretary asked nervously.

"Nothing," House grumbled.

"Do you want to leave a message?"

"Tell her that I'm scheduling a meeting with her for 2 this evening and if she isn't there she'll be sorry," House said menacingly before limping off in the direction of the elevators. He had work to do and no time to waste on the incompetency of a boy working as a secretary. Wilson was waiting on House with a cup of coffee and a half-smile when he arrived at his office.

"What are you doing here?" House asked. "Don't you have some bald kids to croon over and your best friend to ignore?"

"House…" Wilson started, but the other man cut him off.

"Look, I understand your position. You're off the hook…just don't go all sappy on me. I'm fine."

Wilson breathed a sigh of relief which he quickly disguised as a yawn. "Well do you want any company in the differential?" the oncologist asked.

"Why? Because I'm stoned?"  
"No, because you have a patient presenting with symptoms indicative of the early stages of neoplastic syndrome."

"Fine," House said, taking the coffee out of Wilson's hand. "But only because you said 'neoplastic.' He brushed past Wilson and entered the room where his team was waiting on him to send them off to test the patient.

"Are you…?" Foreman started but House held up one hand.

"Let's just get this over with, shall we? I was detoxing…anything I said to you means nothing. I'm fine now. Let's see if this kid has cancer." He grabbed the marker and jotted down various symptoms. "Thirteen, full panel; Taub, patient history and house search; Foreman, number one and number two…and I yeah that's a reference to excretions. Now 'mush' my little huskies!"

"You seem to be your chipper self," Wilson mentioned after the team had gone off to do as House asked.

"It's a gift, really—I face death and come out just as wonderfully unchanged as ever…you gotta love it."

"Are you still pissed at Cuddy?"

"Oh, you mean the demon bitch who doesn't prescribe pain medications to those in pain? I guess you could say that…"

"She just wanted to help."

"Didn't need her help, didn't ask for it…now I have to deal with the fact that she offered."

"Yes…it is quite sad that people try to help with problems…" Wilson rolled his eyes. "She went too far, but she meant well."

"The road to hell…"

"Right." House settled into his chair and Wilson took a seat on the other side of House's desk. The older man flipped through the television channels until he found his soap and they went back to their respective roles in their relationship.


	37. Chapter 37

Ch 37

Two o'clock rolled around and House waited impatiently at the elevators for his ride down to the meeting with Cuddy. Wilson stood nervously at his side, anxious to see what House would do to Cuddy. The elevator doors opened and the two men stepped inside. House pressed the button for the ground floor and they descended in silence. The doors sprang open again and both men were surprised when Cameron threw herself into the elevator.

"Oh, God, House! I was so worried. They wouldn't let me see you and Cuddy even had me tailed when I went home to make sure I didn't try to contact you. She seemed to think it was in your best interest. I'm glad you're alright," she said into the front of his now damp shirt. He patted her awkwardly, not knowing how else to react to such an outburst.

"I've…got a meeting," he told her after a moment, still holding the elevator door open with his cane. "Can we talk about this later?"

Cameron reluctantly let go of him and rubbed at her tear streaked cheeks and red rimmed eyes. "Ok. I'll meet you in your office before you go home," she agreed.

House exited the elevator, followed closely by Wilson, leaving the head of the Emergency Room to get herself together in the elevator before going back to work. House didn't even bother to knock when he entered Cuddy's office, nor did he acknowledge the young man that he had talked to earlier about scheduling a meeting. Cuddy was unsurprised, but definitely a little edgy when the diagnostician entered her office looking less than pleased to see her.

"I know what you're going to say," she told him before he could say anything. "And you're absolutely right. I'm sorry. I have to point out, however, that you did overdose on Vicodin, not for the first time. I only tried to help you."

"That's a load of crap!" he retorted. "You know that's a load of crap, but you'll continue to use the excuse anyway because you have to have some medical or administrative reason for not giving me the drugs I needed."

"House, this is a hospital. We have to detoxify patients before prescribing medication that could be harmful to them."

"That's not what this is all about," he replied, dismissing her feeble attempts at rationalizing her actions. "You want to control me. You think I should face my feelings about the death of a team member; fine…tell me so. Don't go off and create this lie about a therapy diary. I don't need your help. I don't want to be fixed."

"You needed that therapy. I only ordered it because the therapist that I hired suggested it. I knew you wouldn't do anything unless I gave you time off of clinic."

"I think I've got the time off of clinic covered," he sneered. "You're little romp with Chase bought me that much."

Cuddy blushed. "Don't bring my love life into this."

"Don't bring my life into your job," he countered. He turned around and would have walked out had Wilson not stopped him.

"Look," he explained as House eyed the hand on his chest suspiciously. "You both have to face the music for what you've done. I think you'll get over this fight in time, but right now you'll have to come to some kind of agreement if you want to work at the same hospital.

"I won't say a word about her love affair if she leaves me the hell alone," House said menacingly. Wilson dropped his hand from House's chest and turned to Cuddy.

"Fine," she said after a moment. "Do what you want…Cameron will love you either way…but do you think that anyone will be able to help you when you really need it if you won't ask?"

"When I ask, you'll come running," House told her. He walked out of her office and after sharing a look with Cuddy, Wilson followed.

"Well that's one problem solved," Wilson pointed out in the elevator. "But what are you going to do about Cameron? She'll want to fix you too, eventually."  
"I'm going to date her until such a time as she decides to fix me…then we'll go our separate ways," House replied.

"Someday," Wilson told his friend, "you'll look back and appreciate all that they want to do for you."

"Right now, I'm going back to work," House replied.

The End


End file.
